The Prospect of Spring Brings Change

The New York/New Jersey area has been hit with massive snow fall over the last few weeks. I have to admit I’m getting cabin fever. I knew I was in trouble when I wanted to go outside and make a snowman all by my lonesome. My mind began to drift off to the idea of warmer weather. The anticipation of Spring brings a renewed spirit and energy.

I had the distinct pleasure of attending a workshop on funding your film at the invitation o f the New York Chapter of Women in Television and Film. It was well a sold out event. Whenever I attend a filmmaking event, I become acutely aware of the age group of my fellow filmmakers. It’s disheartening to say the least. My counterparts are the same age as my oldest children. This coupled with their formal education in the film industry makes me vexed. Many of my friends and staunch supporters say things like, “that doesn’t matter” or “you should be proud”. They are sorely missing the point. I’m a natural overachiever. I’m supposed to be on top of my game. Not someone’s mother that is out of her league.

I’ve decided to go back to school and study directing, acting and producing. I’ve found that I’m encountering too many unknowns when it comes to the film production process. I researched the opportunities available for adult –learners. I’m not giving up my day job to attend film school. My first choice was to attend Columbia University. It is conveniently located in upper Manhattan. It’s a hop skip and a jump from my home in Teaneck. I looked at the cost of tuition and started to cry (in my heart). My second choice was New York University. It ‘s s not conveniently located but the film studies program is world-renowned. I checked out the rate of tuition and began to have heart palpitations. I had to reach for my daily dose of aspirin and regain my composure. I did a google search for New York City film schools. I found the New York Film Academy. It was not my first choice but it appears to be perfect. I can walk to the school from my office. It advertises a 12-week hands on training in the evenings. Most importantly, the price is doable.

The prospect of formal training will make me a contender to be on my “A” game. Isn’t spring when caterpillars complete the metamorphosis into butterflies? Well, I can’t wait to spread my wings and fly.

Guided by My Spirit

Lately, it's been really difficult to get my body to cooperate with my schedule. I know I'm a little overweight but this is ridiculous. I didn't gain 50 pounds overnight. It's a struggle just to keep up with the most mundane tasks. For example, I can see my commuter bus approaching and refuse to trot a few feet across the street to catch it. I can't shop for groceries in the supermarket for a long period of time because I get tired and overheated. Now, this seems like an opportune time to delegate this to someone else. I have a husband, 4 children (2 of which are adults) and a dog. Someone needs to shop. The real question is "what is happening?" It's seems as though all of my energy has been drained from me. In addition, I've noticed that my memory is going haywire. For example, I can look at my number #1 son and call him the name of my number #2 son. You may think this is a small problem but you probably haven't met my sons either. The men in my life are extremely competitive for my attention.

I've recently changed physicians. My former doctor seemed more eager for my co-payment than assessing a health condition. Good riddance. My new physician is like a knight in shining armor. He immediately declared that I'm way to young to have suffered a stroke. He strongly believes there is something else affecting my health. A technician fill 5 tubes of blood to test for any autoimmune diseases. Examples of autoimmune diseases included Lyme, Lupus etc. Dr. P. demonstrated professionalism and a genuine sincerity. Bear in mind, this is the man that dashed my hope of attending Sundance this year. . I was inquiring about my distorted equalebrium and my high blood pressure. He proclaimed "you can't fly". I was stunned. I thought I heard wrong. I remember muttering, but I'm scheduled to attend the Sundance Festival in Utah. He said, well there is always next year. I should have fainted on the spot, but I decided to keep a stiff upper lip in his office. I took his advice and cancelled my reservations (two weeks later). I realized that Park City, Utah is too far from my home to have another episode. Bear in mind, I planned to travel with my two daughters, Jarena, 15 years old and Vilena who is 8 years old. As a consolation, I plan to have a short film that will be featured (or at least submitted) in Sundance 2011.

I recently saw a television program in which there was an older man talking to his CEO that was working undercover as a trainee. The older man was a tower of strength and wisdom. While speaking during a lunch break the older man disclosed to the trainee that he is on dialysis 3 times a week. The undercover CEO (trainee) was surprised because he marveled at his appearance of perfect health and physical strength. The undercover CEO inquired where did he get his strength to continue. The man told him that he is "guided by his spirit". He proclaimed that if he waited for his body, his work would never get completed. I've decided this is going to be my new mantra "Guided By My Spirit".